You may have noticed I’ve been MIA for a while, and that’s because I was attending this year’s Sirens Conference! What is Sirens, you ask? Sirens is a conference dedicated to women in fantasy literature. From their website:
In fantasy literature, women are revolutionary.
They wield swords, courageous. They battle monsters and are, themselves, monsters. They conjure love and hate and glory. Their intrigues are legion; their military campaigns tactically brilliant; their rule incomparably powerful. These women inhabit worlds different from our own because women authors have given them extraordinary opportunities: to grow, to love, to fight, to fail, and, sometimes, to save the world.
Sirens is a conference dedicated to the diverse, remarkable women of fantasy literature: readers and authors, certainly, but just as importantly, scholars, librarians, educators, publishing professionals, and even characters. Sirens is a place where a woman can, without shame or irony, declare herself a queen, a dragonmaster, a general. A place where women aren’t constrained by what our real-world society demands. A light in a world that frequently expects too much and offers too little.
The 2017 theme of the conference was women who work magic, with guests of honor N.K. Jemisin, Victoria/V.E. Schwab, and Zoraida Cordova, who each gave a keynote speech. In addition to that were multiple author-attended panels and presentations given by members of the Sirens community. As a brief snapshot of the types of presentations given: I attended a paper presentation on the history of fantasy literature, a presentation on the witch trials in 15th century England, a re-writing workshop, and a roundtable discussion of f/f works in fantasy. In one short weekend I learned so much!
The Sirens experience is unique for a fantasy conference because it is a woman-majority space. I think there were maybe like ten dudes there? And they were either gay or attached to their wives, which made for a very welcoming and low-stress environment. I never had to worry about being “on” or being hyper aware. For the entire weekend I was the most relaxed I’ve ever been; I felt like myself. The women there were progressive, open-minded, friendly readers, writers, librarians, and introverts. I felt like I was with my tribe. And my book haul? SPECTACULAR.
The one downside, in my opinion, was the location. The conference was held in Beaver Creek, Colorado, a resort town with a staggering altitude of 8100 feet! Coming from sea-level NYC, this was a difficult adjustment for me. For the whole weekend I was either physically ill or physically exhausted. I was constantly out of breath, I had trouble sleeping, and I just felt very out of it the whole time. Plus the town itself, as a resort town, felt artificial. Though pretty, it was enclosed and somewhat claustrophobic.
But that’s only a tiny downside! Being among so many kind and accomplished women was so inspiring. Victoria Schwab’s keynote speech nearly made the audience burst into sobs. N.K. Jemisin’s presentation on world-building was so useful I can’t wait for her to open up her own school of writing. I had such an excellent time! (As soon as they hold it in a location that isn’t at a death-defying altitude, I’ll go again, LOL.)
Has anyone here ever been to Sirens?
“Do not lose that hunger. You will always have to fight for everything. Even when you already have it, you will have to keep fighting to maintain it. You will have to be more ruthless, more brutal, more everything. Any weakness will undo everything you have accomplished. They will see any crack as evidence that they were right that a woman cannot do what you do.”
“There was no peace in continuing to do what had already proven unworkable. Sometimes tradition itself disrupted peace, and only newness could smooth the way.”
“But if you stay, no part of this comm[unity] gets to decide that any part of this comm[unity] is expendable. No voting on who gets to be people.”
“In a child’s eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe.”
“Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can’t go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.”
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
I discovered Jemisin almost by chance when stumbling through fantasy recommendations one day. I read the first book in the Inheritance Trilogy but did not continue for some reason. Then Jemisin started blowing up (this was even before The Fifth Season was published) so I went back and decided to keep reading. I liked the second book a bit less and hated the third (the only one of Jemisin’s books I adamantly do not like). Then I read the Dreamblood Duology, a spectacular work of Egyptian-inspired fantasy which is actually my favorite writing of hers. And of course, her magnum opus to date, the twice-Hugo Award winning Fifth Season.
This is where things may start to get a little embarrassing. As you will soon realize, I was absolutely obsessed with vampires and all things supernatural when I was a teen. I started reading Anne Rice at eleven years old, which is what happens when no one supervises your reading choices. I definitely would not give these books to an eleven year old, or even a young teen, to be honest. Part of the reason I’m not sure how many books I read is that at some point they all blurred together, a hazy vision of blood and sex and strangeness that made very little sense to me as a youngster. I barely understood most of what I was reading, but there were vampires, so I kept reading anyway.
I worshiped Amelia when I was a teen. Incredibly, she published her first novel at fourteen freaking years old! And it’s actually a decent, mature read about vampires! But Amelia doesn’t only write vampires; for me, her claim to fame is her Kiesha’ra series, about shapeshifting humanoids who have been at war for decades. Not only was this series rich in worldbuilding and characterization, it also introduced me to the concept of same-sex attraction and featured the first f/f romance I had ever seen. Needless to say, she was very formative for me (Amelia herself is a lesbian and I remember being fascinated with that as a kid, which makes sense to me now). I’ve been meaning to pick up some of her newer works!
I wasn’t even sure if I should include Tiernan; the only reason I’ve read so much of her is because the Sweep series is made up of fourteen teeny tiny novels coming in at less than 200 pages each! However, if we’re talking formative authors (which…I’m not sure that we are but I guess this is what this turned into) then I have to mention her. The Sweep series changed me as a person. It’s about a young girl coming into her powers of witchcraft. Tiernan seamlessly blends real-world religion Wicca with her own fantasy version. I remember being fifteen and so damn disappointed when I realized that Wicca as an organized faith only stretched back into the ’60s! I still have the Sweep series on my shelf and every now and then I re-read it. It brings me so much joy.
Clocking in at #2 is Darren Shan, of all people, famous for his Cirque du Freak series about vampires (are you seeing the pattern?). But the more formative for me was his second series, the Demonata, about a world adjacent to ours that holds bloodthirsty demons who are fighting to come into our world and kill us all. I read these books during my emo phase, when I was really into things being as gory and bloody as possible. And let me tell you, these books are hella gory.
Oh, boy. This one is really embarrassing, but talk about formative! I started Andrews’ work with her Flowers in the Attic series, infamous for its many incestuous relationships, including the central one between brother and sister. This is probably where my obsession incest ships began, to tell you the truth. Known for combining Gothic horror and family saga, V.C. Andrews is an interesting case because the actual Cleo Virginia Andrews died in 1986, in the midst of writing her second major series. However, her books were so successful and drew in so much cash that her estate hired a ghost writer by the name of Andrew Niederman to continue writing in her name. There is a noticeable change in quality between Anrews and Niederman. All the books are addictive trash, but I actually highly recommend the Dollanganger/Flowers in the Attic series just for how utterly disturbing it is. Andrews is another one I started reading very young, so I don’t remember how much of her work I read, but I definitely had a lengthy Andrews phase and I remember committing to reading everything under her name.
Sansa & Petyr (A Song of Ice and Fire NOT the garbage show which takes a completely different and unwarranted direction with these two): Initially I thought this prompt indicated not pairings that went from hating each other to loving each other, but pairings that I love even in the face of blistering shame. Sansa Stark and Petyr Baelish fit that category rather well, because, well, have you ever seen a more messed up dynamic (well, there’s Jaime and Cersei, who happen to be my other favorite pairing from ASOIAF – do you see a trend here?)? Sansa is the daughter of the woman Petyr once loved. She didn’t love him back in the same way, and ended up marrying someone else. Petyr never moved on. Now, he has attached himself to Sansa, who happens to be the spitting image of her mother. Petyr’s interest in Sansa alternates between fatherly love and lovers’ lust, a rather disturbing contradiction. This bizarre combo is also interspersed with Petyr’s ambition: he claims to want to marry Sansa off in order to help her win back Winterfell, but whether he is doing this for Sansa or to further his own power (or both) is not quite clear, though he is certainly vocal about declaring his love (and lust) to her, and her consent to his sexual advances is dubious at best. Sansa’s feelings for Petyr are equally ambiguous – she admits she cares for him, but also recognizes that there are two sides to him, one kind and friendly, one scheming and ruthless. She has trouble telling the two apart. At the same time, he’s the only person she has left in the world, so she can’t help but rely on him. Their relationship is so bizarre, so 
Alina & The Darkling (The Grisha Trilogy): Remember what I said about loving messed up pairings? Alina and the Darkling don’t start out hating each other either, not exactly, but their relationship certainly devolves into a complex interplay of hatred and attraction. Initially believing that The Darkling is a force for good, Alina allows herself to be swept up into his seduction of her. He beguiles her with his declarations of their similarities, their burgeoning powers, and how they are going to change the world together. Alina is drawn to his power and his stature, the fact that they are indeed two of a kind, but she quickly realizes The Darkling is bound to be her enemy. Despite this, I don’t think she ever forgets the hold he had on her.
Jannik & Felicita (House of Sand and Secrets): These two are interesting because they didn’t start out hating each other at all. In the first book, they’re friends well on their way to becoming more, but tragedy tears them apart. In the second book, they are in a marriage of convenience. Even at this point, neither of them hates the other, but their relationship is fraught with their tenuous social status and Jannik’s precarious position as a hated minority. Misunderstandings blossom like thorny flowers between the pair, leading each to believe that they are hated by the other, when in fact they are so in love with each other they can barely see straight.
Hanani & Wanahomen (The Shadowed Sun): I always thought I hated romance until I read N.K. Jemisin’s Shadowed Sun. In this book, she crafts a love story that I didn’t even realize was a love story until nearly the very end. It starts with Hanani and Wanahomen on opposite sides of the spectrum in status and personality – Hanani is the only female Sharer-Apprentice from Hetawa, and Wanahomen is a prince-in-exile fighting to take back his kingdom. Hanani is calm, level-headed, compassionate, while Wanahomen is rash, hot-tempered, and ruthless. Their relationships starts out quite tense, as opposite personalities clash, but as they live together among the Banbarra tribe, both as outsiders, their feelings for one another intensify from intense dislike to intense love. Jemisin’s talent shines through here; this is such an incredibly subtle and well-crafted romance.
Alabaster & Syenite (The Broken Earth Trilogy): Yes, another N.K. Jemisin example. I swear, this lady is brilliant at everything she does, and if one day she decided to forego fantasy and just write straight-up romance, I would totally be there for it. Initially, Alabaser and Syenite don’t like one another at all. They have two competing worldviews, though Syenite’s is born more out of naivete and lack of experience than anything else (Alabaster is significantly older than her). The two are sent on a dual mission, to answer the call of a city that fears a geologic anomaly, and along the way, to get pregnant. What begins as a fraught relationship burdened by mechanical sex blossoms into a we-only-trust-each-other type of thing. As Alabaster and Syenite embark on a relationship with another man (yes, all at once) and have a child together, their bond strengthens and deepens.
Severus Snape (Harry Potter): I had to start out with the apex of unlikable characters, didn’t I? Snape is a horrible person. Abusive, borderline racist, selfish, bitter, just an all-around terrible person. I wouldn’t even want to be in the same room with him, let alone be his friend. And yet Snape is undeniably fascinating: he has spent nearly all of his life regretting and attempting to atone for getting the love of his life killed. None of his intentions were honorable – he thought he was getting another family killed, and even when he realized it was Lily he didn’t give a damn about her husband and infant son dying. He just wanted to save her, and whether his feelings for Lily were love or obsession is, I think, irrelevant. Lily died anyway, and Snape switched sides to atone. He also – and this is just my personal headcanon here – isolated himself and did everything he could to make other people hate him, because he believed he deserved it. He kept fighting not necessarily because he believed in the cause, but because he felt he owed it to Lily. Like I said, fundamentally not a good person, and that’s not even getting into how horrible of a teacher he was (he was Neville’s worst fear for God’s sake!). But so, so multi-layered, complex, and fascinating.
Adelina Amouteru (The Young Elites): Adelina grew up with her sister and abusive stepfather. With a parent like that, it is no surprise that Adelina is reserved, wary, and bitter. However, as her powers begin to manifest and the friends she thought she had abandoned her, Adelina swerves sharply into villain territory. She sets out to get revenge, abandoning any and all morality in the process. She wants revenge and she wants power, and she will do anything she can to get it, even as she struggles not to lose her mind. Being in Adelina’s head is one hell of a trip; the girl is half insane at this point. She’s such a compelling, dynamic character. I’m excited to read the final book in this series!
Isyllt Iskaldur (The Necromancer Chronicles): I don’t know if Isyllt would be considered widely unlikable by everyone, but I find her an unusual female character. She reminds me a bit of a noir detective. She’s taciturn, pragmatic, and no-nonsense. After spending her teens in the streets, Isyllt was taken in by the King (sort of) and turned into a kind of spy/necromancer/magician (in other words, she’s super cool). She’s kind of closed off in a way that female characters usually aren’t, which makes her super intriguing.
Nassun (The Obelisk Gate): Essun’s daughter Nassun is not necessarily unlikable, but pitiable. After experiencing the unimaginable trauma of witnessing her father murder her brother, and then being kidnapped by him as he struggles not to kill her for simply being who she is, Nassun transforms from an ordinary young girl to an unbelievably cold, cynical young woman. By the end of the book she has veered into such strange, nihilistic territory that being in her head becomes pretty uncomfortable.
Petyr Baelish (A Song of Ice and Fire): This is kind of cheating, since I don’t know that I would call Petyr a protagonist, necessarily, but whether we like it or not he is essentially the lynch pin of the entire series. He set most of the events in the series in motion. Some thing he did just to create chaos, to see what would happen, in true chaotic neutral form. Petyr is sneaky and subtle and brilliant (forget TV show Petyr, I’m talking about book Petyr, who is a fundamentally different person). He’s one hell of a strategist and he’s incredibly ambitious, but like Snape, he is also caught up in a past romance which pushes him from “ambiguously motivated” to “supremely creepy” territory. Despite that, the dynamic Petyr has with Sansa Stark, his lost love’s daughter, is the most fascinating in the entire series. The pair of a somewhat disturbing dynamic, but I love it all the same, just as I am fascinated with Petyr Baelish.
Hadeer Elsbai 